August 2022

No state of being is permanent.

All moments of existence are temporary.

Drugs feel good until they don’t.

There is no forever.

There is no salvation.

Look for the sacred in the sadness.

Dark sunlight

emitting piercing rays of sciatica.

We all fall apart

eventually.

My back heavy with sorrows

as I make my way towards Hell.

Everyone’s honest

eventually.

It’s inconceivable

the amount of liquid dejection

my eyes can produce.

My body

soaked

I baptize myself

with my tears and sweat.

Bones crashing against bones.

Your blood on my open wound.

We used to be one.

used

April 2022

The fog follows me

so everything looks blurry.

The smell of garlic on my mother’s finger tips

on the passenger seat

watching the green swirl of trees

through the window

Like a film.

I spun the globe on the teacher’s wooden desk,

watching it

twirl

Like abstract paintings on a blue sphere.

I miss you and I will never see you again.

Through the cracks of the doors

she enters.

All that emerges must return.

Tree shadows dance on the white moon-lit house.

The air you breathe is toxic

and I don’t want to be anybodies

Blood drips onto my shadow

on the cold cement floor.

Red gems returning back to the earth.

My body falls to the ground.

I, too, am not afraid to return back to the earth.

How unfair,

to be misused.

In my pinkest dreams

my mother holds me in her arms.

I blink away the decade.

War spits out blood too.

“I’m alive,” I shouted.

But I didn’t quite know what it meant.

Close your eyes now.

April 2022

I’m awake.

Early in the morning

the sun’s golden light

shines through the opening of the clouds,

like a heavenly message

sent to me from above.

I wake up with the birds

and drive to a place filled with curious youth.

I drive and I think

staring at the endless horizon of light

listening to Big Thief.

I’m a loner

an outcast

a stoner

A great wave of calm fills the hazy space in the car.

I exist only for my own pleasure now.

I imagine dying, not too old,

for a cause worth dying for.

I exist to create

Art

thoughts

movement

love

I’m awake.

March 2022

and there I go

with my great expectations

walking

to a destination

that is in my head

pale

winter

sunshine

movement

evolving

constantly

I want to be worshiped

adored

but the sun's warmth is the only touch

my skin receives

hours

filled with

silence

accumulate

time never stops

I guess that's why it moves so quickly

when I was a little boy

I dreamed

of being a bird

pale

winter

sunshine

February 2022

Drunk Dancing

in a crowded dive-in-bar,

on a cold rainy day.

The face a child makes,

when they finally understand what you’re saying.

Eyes wide open

The smell of my skin

after I’ve been under the Sun.

Blowing out the candles on my birthday cake

Cold mud on my bare feet

Deep breaths

Shadow Play

Time alone

Birds

October 2021

repugnant

red

bricks

empty

silence

A hellish house of bricks.

A brick falls on me.

The rest follow like sheep.

These bricks of bacteria blur my sight.

rampant redness

followed by a vision:

seven shadows of the sick

seven screams

I search for a sense of sereneness

red

bricks

systematically stacked

on my chest now

my lungs deflate

like old balloons

Above me the sun radiates.

I am reminded of her resilience.

Everyday she rises again.

Her rays reach out like hands;

but I don’t reach back.

in my

empty

haunted house of red bricks

I lay bewildered.

January 2020

Drove my car into a wall.

Pulled my hair out in the shower.

Lost my voice in the air.

Pain,

a parasite,

lives inside of me;

lives through me.

This is my confession.

I am coming out.

Coming out as lost.

Coming out as confused.

December 2019 “Paris”

Yellow,

wet leaves;

detached from branches

on wet sidewalk,

pressed

by walking feet.

They are beautiful.

November 2019

I search for the warmth of sunlight on a pale wood floor

Next to a broken window

Determined to make of this body a home

Sucking on cigarettes as if they had all the answers

but I greet their warmth

Convinced the ashes falling on the floor are my own

fear is brave

I leave the room only to freeze in front of a liquor store

lost in the static sound of a neon light

May 2019

my nose lost its virginity

my mouth and teeth lost feeling

I lost sleep

but that was all

what other things are better in my head?

August 2019

a warm tear

runs down my warm cheek

I feel it fall on my thigh

piercing hot

suddenly anxiety is the sun

and I am the earth that rotates around it

I sit and wait for it to pass

they mock me again

so you really thought the happiness would last this time didn’t you?

I try to catch my tears with my hands

but they are too small

too thin

I sit and wait for it to pass

much time is spent this way

April 2019

Like there’s not enough air in the entire earth for my greedy lungs.

Like my chest has been stomped on by a thousand heavy feet.

Like every single thing I’ve ever done and said is worthy of great shame.

If I shout alone in my car

And no one hears it,

Did I really make a sound?

August 2018

They say communist and anarchist like the words burn their mouth

They teach you

not only the lies

but to teach the lies to others

Your eyes are stitched with the lens they created and bestowed upon you

God lied the serpent said the truth

…

They strip you from your colors and paint you eastlake greens color scheme

Well i’ll strip off my clothes instead

and say

…

Fuck you

…

Eternally progressing in a neutral state of depression

Let the blind lead those who cannot see

Let the blood drip down on open wounds

….

And I ask myself

What will my last breath taste like?

2013

It’s getting late,

there’s this hole in my chest

that I can’t fucking explain.

School bores the Hell out of me,

and it takes up all my time.

Memorizing all this irrelevant shit numbs my mind.

I’d rather climb a tree.

I’d rather write a story.

I’d rather seek a greater glory.

2015

I saw your face in a pink cloud,

on a bright blue background.

I reached out to hold your face,

and I found myself holding the entire outer space.

In my hands, I held everything that ever existed,

planets unknown of,

species unheard of.

Curious looking purple creatures caught my eye.

They told me about machines that did things I didn’t even know were possible.

I told them about the satisfaction of sleeping in cars and setting things on fire,

about drugs and coffee.

I told them about rain and bruises and Art.

They got lost in my words,

and I got lost in my thoughts.

I told them about you,

but they didn't believe me.

They said someone like you couldn't exist in a planet like mine.

I let go of your face and everything disappeared.

And I was back to where I once was,

staring at your face in a pink cloud.

2015

A few dreams ago,

I was lost in a dark forest,

with pine trees that extended farther than my thoughts,

and a black sky that blinded me.

I was the only human there,

It seemed.

Animal noises surrounded me.

When a girl held my hand and showed me the way out,

she said follow me

and together we will see.

Doubtfully I grabbed her hand,

this girl showed me another land.

One with blue skies and flowers colored every shade of pink imaginable.

She handed me a smile,

and I kept it for a long while.

2015

Be truthful.

Be truthful about what you say.

Be truthful everyday.

Be truthful about who you are

or you won’t go very far.

Upon failing to do so,

your existence will become a lie.

Your heart will beat,

but every part of you will die.

2015

She wanted an escape,

her soul ached.

She thought the pills could take her pain away,

she said, “This is the only way.”

I stared at her pale face,

the image I cannot erase.

Her eyes were grey,

there was nothing I could say to make her stay.

Bruises looked like galaxies on her skin,

the pink and purple seemed to spin.

I saw her put them in her mouth.

She heard me scream and shout.

She reached out her hand and gave me a flower.

I think of her every hour.

2014

Are you blind?

Or are your eyes closed?

It's not what it used to be.

When you silently shout,

choking on nothingness.

From the depthness of the universe,

I hear them coming.

No harm beats fun.

I’m the happiest unhappy person you’ll ever meet.

Decipher me.

They cut down the trees,

and the children cry.

When I’d rather be gone than here,

then I’ll know

I walk down a road made of ashes,

wondering where it’s going to go.

Forget everything you’ve ever been told,

and form ideas of your own.

Filled

With emptiness

And when the Earth dies, take me with it.

2015

Listen to me,

my materialistic friend

who can’t remember his own address.

You lose yourself the second that you think you’re found,

you’re bound to be drowned.

Life is hard when it becomes a series of things you don’t want to do.

Your face looks like something I drew.

When you make friend you can’t keep.

When your job makes you weep.

You sing meaningless songs about silver spoons,

about the moon in mid June.

Your mind like twisted vines,

looking hard for signs.

You try really hard to forget your crimes,

you drive away to familiar times.

2015

Earth is dying,

you’re not even trying.

Your trash,

your pollution,

you don’t care for a solution,

you don’t offer contribution.

The sky will turn gray,

the green will fade away.

Here’s your clue:

Earth isn’t entirely for you,

Chapter 1, here’s the introduction:

Mass destruction,

mass production,

what we really need is reconstruction.

You can close your eyes,

you can look away.

But the truth that lies beneath,

is that your grandchildren’s children won't breathe.

2013

I fell in love with Art

But she didn’t leave her number

I fell in love with Art

I painted her a thunder

I fell in love with Art

I crave her like hunger

2015

I ran out of cigarettes

With a vague feeling of loneliness

Questioning my education

I don’t understand the relation

Seeking intelligence

Where’s the diligence?

Fatigue follows me

Still

The reflection of the moon in the water intrigues

The red in the roses agrees

And the way the shadow of the tree dances makes me believe

I wish a had a cigarette

Or a new thought to fill my mind

Something to unwind the tangled feeling

Looking for meaning